Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
