im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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