I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think your dad took our porno
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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