you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My vagina is very pro this idea
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