He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's like iHOP with fire
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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