So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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