yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
