ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
