Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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