god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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