Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
