How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the liver wants what the liver wants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
