We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
