Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The best revenge is premature balding
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
