Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
