1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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