i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
