what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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