I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need moral support for this bender
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
