Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize