i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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