I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
