why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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