My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
