i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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