Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
