Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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