Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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