My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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