i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
