i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
