Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
ugly people sure do ruin things
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
