She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
