There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
