They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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