I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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