Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
