her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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