I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
