I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
