Already got asked if we're dating
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
