I wanna bring you to show and tell
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
