Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
