u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
