it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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