We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
