finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
