Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
do nipples grow back?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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