My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
