dude i'm inner monologue high
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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