You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
