You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You smell like stripper and shame
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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