I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
