He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
