oh god the rape fog is back!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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