my phone needs a breathalizer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
