I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize