My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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