I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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