what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
