is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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