I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
