I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
