I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
