You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
