Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
