I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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