we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
