dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
