Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
