btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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