Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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