I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
