I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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