it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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