I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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