he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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