I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
