hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
