Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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