I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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