Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
