I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
